Something's Wrong in Houston, Texas

Stop it fellas...Stop beating up team execs…in Houston, Texas.

Last week, the baseball world was shocked to hear that Shawn Chacon pummeled Houston Astros GM Ed Wade to death (gross hyperbole).

If you thought the league could go a week without another instance of player on exec violence, well....cue "Law & Order" chung chung noise.

Location: Minute Maid Park, Houston, TX
Perp: Manny Ramirez.
Victim: Red Sox Traveling Secretary, Jack McCormick

Apparently, Manny wanted sixteen tickets to the Stros/Sox game in Houston, a request McCormick said that he couldn't guarantee. In response, an irate Ramirez yelled, "Just do your job!", and then proceeded to push and knock down McCormick. Ramirez has since apologized to McCormick in a private meeting and the Red Sox now insist everything is fine.

OK...Two instances of player on exec violence in less than a week…DISTURBING. Two instances of player on exec violence in Houston, TX in less than a week….VERY DISTURBING.

I don't know if it's the humidity of Houston that makes these players all moody and crazy but, I insist that Commissioner Selig waste a lot of time/money investigating this.

THIS GUY TOTALLY SUCKS

"He's back!"

"Good things to come!"

"This is a good sign!"

"His swing has returned!"

The aforementioned quotes I heard this weekend from various Mets fans regarding Carlos Delgado, who will henceforth be known as Garbage McOldguy. Those of us who are Mets fans did have a chance to take the paper bags off of our heads twice this weekend against the Yanks, especially in their 15-6 trouncing where McOldguy had like a hundred RBIs. Woohoo! McOldguy is back! A hundred RBIs! A new club record! Yeah! He's back and so are the Mets!

Wait, what?

Fact is, Garbage McOldguy actually lost 9 percentage points off his BA since 6/20 and he did most of the statistical damage against two pitchers who, after being pulled from the game, were immediately stripped of their uniforms and sent to Scranton Wilkes-Barre to work as fluffers in the burdgeoning PA porn business.

McOldguy is hitting .231 with 14 HRs and 45 RBIs (9 of which came in one day). I've no problem with that if McOldguy was making $5M a year.

But he's not.

He's making $16M a year.

My point? Omar Minaya is an R-tard and there's way too much crowding in Garbage McOldguy's jock after one game.

But no one on this blog cares about the Mets anyway.

Gross.

Chacon Owns

Memo to MLB GMs: Shawn Chacon doesn't take kindly to being disturbed during supper time.

Not going to take shit from anyone when he's eating, not even from the guy responsible for his employment, Shawn Chacon beat up Astros GM, Ed Wade, just before the Astros/Rangers game last night. Reports are that Wade saw Chacon in the team's dining room and requested the they meet in Astros skipper Cecil Cooper's office to discuss his demotion to the bullpen.

Well needless to say, Chacon wasn't having any of that. Didn't Wade get the memo??? Apparently, no, he didn't. A confrontation between the two men quickly escalated and Chacon grabbed Wade's neck and then threw him to the ground. Unsubstantiated reports have Chacon finishing Wade off with Bret "The Hitman" Hart's "Sharpshooter".

Chacon (2-3 with a 5.04 ERA in 15 starts for Houston this year) has been suspended indefinitely for insubordination. That's just a fancy term for owning your GM.

Nice going Shawn.

**Update** Astros have put Chacon on waivers and will release him if he is not claimed. Ed Wade's neck/feelings still hurt.

Suzyn Waldman: "Sidney Ponson is in George Steinbrenner's Box!!!!"

SID-NEY PON-SON!
Yes!!! It appears that baseball waste, Sidney Ponson, will be making his Yankee comeback this Friday!!!! For those who have short memories, Ponson started 3 games for the Yanks in 2006 (appeared in 5), going 0-1 with a 10.47ERA.

Besides his awesome pitching prowess and relentless appetite, Ponson brings with him a litany of legal problems and overall douche-baggery....
On Christmas Day '04 he was arrested after pummeling a judge on an Aruban beach. He's been arrested for DUI twice. And...just a few weeks ago the Texas Rangers cut him abruptly, despite performing pretty well (4-1, 3.88 ERA, 106ERA+); surprising cause it's no secret that the Rangers need pitching, but Ron Washington found that Ponson's personality was so abrasive that the dude had to go.

Overall, Sidney Ponson seems pretty much like a dick.

All kidding aside though, Sidney really just needs to eat innings rather than Oreos. Obviously, that's what Cash signed him to do. Hopefully, he can do it and not piss off anyone (or beat up fans, drive into light poles) in the process.

Yankees announce a Hard Rock Cafe will be in the new Yankee stadium

in related news the Yanks also announced a joint marketing effort whereby middle reliever Brian Bruney welcomed the idea of wearing a KFC chicken bucket instead of a baseball mitt for the month of June next year to commemorate the Colonel's 80th b-day.

Major League Baseball- leaving no sell-out stone unturned.

Allow me my bitter New Yorker moment

I hate the Celtics- I have never hated them before this year, but yet somehow throughout this years playoffs I found myself strongly rooting against them, and by the NBA Finals I was a full-fledged Laker fan (and I hate Kobe- who I will be posting separately on soon enough). I have been trying to figure out why- I mean I actually like James Posey, and have always rooted for both Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett. Yet despite this, I have hated watching them win and I think it is because of their fans. We have spoken about this briefly amongst the RDCM staff, but the Boston fans this year have really pissed me off. I tend to rather enjoy Bill Simmons, but his articles these days have become so "homer" it is nearly nauseating. I hate how Celtic fans felt like they deserved this, that they had to suffer for so long. I guess the previous 16 championships (nearly 30% of total championships in history) weren't enough. Or maybe it was because the Patriots winning 4 Super Bowls and nearly having an undefeated season wasn't enough (losing to the Giants as we all know). Or maybe it wasn't enough to have the Red Sox win 2 of last 4 World Series. I remember in 2001, as the Yankees were trying to continue their dynasty run, and I had just moved to Boston; all I heard about was the suffering Boston fans and how New Yorkers (in particular- Yankee fans) did not appreciate, even took for granted, winning so much. When a superhuman (read that as you wish) Luis Gonzalez dinked that bloop for the game-winning hit, I remember the relentless taunting I received. Now I see this smugness and sense of entitlement in Boston fans and I guess it makes me sick. I like to consider myself pretty fair and rationale fan of sports teams, even being happy and cheering for the first Pats Super Bowl as it was a great story, but I feel like there is just too much bad blood between these two sports cities.

Also- I would like to point out further what Simmons briefly mentions in his article today- about how the Celtics are basically a fantasy team. They have had 54% of their playoff scoring and 53% of playoff minutes by players who were not on the team in the prior year. If you include players who weren't on the year before, you are looking at 78% and 83%, respectively. (It is like buying a new NBA Live video game and starting a franchise and checking the fantasy draft button- yet somehow this is such a beloved team.) The reason all these players were acquired and this turnaround happened can be mainly traced to two significant happenings:

1. Former Celtic great Kevin McHale trading a still in his prime Kevin Garnett for Al Jefferson and a pile of crap
2. The 2006-2007 Celtic team saying F You karma and completely tanking the season to acquire the #5 pick and subsequently deal that (and some garbage) for Ray Allen.

All this is very bitter and I realize this, I just needed to vent. Now back to our regularly scheduled sanity.

Taking the Good With the Bad (and the ugly)

At 3:14 the hammer dropped on former Yankees Captain, Mr. Randolph, as Mannequin summarized. Was it time? Surely. Was it classless? Without a doubt. The fact that Willie confronted Omar about his lack of faith in his, then, current employment, before going on the trip to California (super cool to the homeless) only to be reassured that he was safe....mind boggling. I heard he phoned Omar again after the bus departed to the airport, for re-reassurance. Oh well.

It was the right decision, because Willie was a straw man. Omar built the straw man, but nonetheless, that's what he was. Now, I don't mean the popular meaning of straw man here, I mean, he could basically be a uniform stuffed with straw (maybe scarecrow?...no, he's NEVER been scary. my bad), instead of an actual body in there. After watching Omar speak today, I realized what the problem was.

As ladyface pointed out, there is an overall lack of drive/hustle/caring that can be seen from time to time with the Mets. It plagues all the players at any given time. Here's the reason: Omar is the king of that clubhouse, where in the other 27 clubhouses in baseball, the skipper is. Minaya's savy with wooing and coralling players into the blue and orange is his gift. Keeping personell in line and motivated, victory oriented clubhouse certainly isn't. The media problems, the hustle issue, managerial decisions (namely bullpen), just to name a few things a manager has to deal with, aren't dealt with at all, due to broken structure. How to fix? Hire a skip that won't take a backseat. Anyone can watch that roster go .500 over 4 years (think Willie was right around there), but it takes a real man(ager) to take them to .600+. Who's it gonna be? Good news: somebody else.

Adios Willie. I'll always remember you as the mediocre second baseman with the useless C on your jersey during the Yankees worst times ever....and for turning the Mets around when you first got to Queens, only to settle into your seat on the 4 year ride of dissapointing mediocrity that you just took us Mettys on. Good riddence.

Wilpon-dervous

What the Mets did was disgusting, classless and a little smelly. I hate that I am a Mets fan to be honest with you. It's not just because of the whole Willie thing either (which was a huge distraction for the entire team), that was just the icing on the poo-cake. The whole team in general makes me sick. Aside from a select few of the personal on this team, there is absolutely no heart. From the player's bod language it seems to me that they don't want to be there. I get the impression that they would rather be somewhere else, rather than playing a sport for millions of dollars. Wilpon's are a**holes, always have been. "it's omar's call"....really?? really?? You own the f*cking team you pencild*ck. Bottom line is I hate this team from the front office to the bat boy.

I apologize for any incomplete sentences, mis-spellings or any other grammatical errors.

In other news, blog blog blog, blog.

Let's Go Mets..F-A-N..na na na

Mets brass fired good guy (if not Miller Huggins) Willie Randolph by press release at 3:14am this morning. The Mets were 3000mi away in Anaheim (they won the game).

Classy!

Team's been basically run by (various idiot GMs, two Wilpons) monkeys since early 90s so this is not surprising.

**Update**: Should have mentioned this before...Baseball genius Jerry Manuel, Randolph's bench coach and former skipper of the Chisox will take over. With Chicago ('98-'03), Manuel compiled a .515 winning %, which the Mets find very sexy.

Get in the hole!!!

As I "work from home" today (read: click on my laptop every 14 minutes and 59 seconds to keep from being logged off the company network) I am enjoying the fact that the U.S. Open has an 18-hole playoff. This is so much more satisfying than a one or three hole playoff, not to mention more fair.

A couple observations:

1) As I type this, ESPN is showing an interview with Rocco Mediate from before the round. Rocco seems to be his usual amiable self, chatting away and joking with the interviewer, probably being characteristically humble and just happy to be here. I say "probably" because the interview had no sound. Maybe I'm not qualified to comment on this, since I didn't go to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting (got a scholarship to (and a free set of tools from) Apex Tech), but doesn't it seem that during every live broadcast, the broadcasting network should have at least one person on its staff whose main job is to actually watch the broadcast on a normal TV outside the network's system and immediately communicate any problems to the director, so they can cut away, or fix the situation. Just a thought. And also, for the record, when this job is created, I want it. My two most preferred employers would be ESPN, or The Spice Channel, should they decide to extend into live programming.

2) What's with the guys who yell "Get in the hole!", or other such nonsense, right after Tiger, or basically any popular player or tournament leader, strikes the ball? More to the point, why is no one punching these guys in the face, or preferably, tasering them in the taint? Not to get all snobby, especially considering I am poor, from a blue collar background, terrible at golf, etc. etc., but are these guys trying to turn golf into NASCAR? To quote the aforementioned Bill Walton, "That's just terrible!" My (least) favorite is when they yell "Get in the hole!" after Tiger tees off on a par 5. Oh, I see what you did there, you said "get in the hole" but he probably won't because the hole is 600 yards away, you clever son of a bitch who is also your sister. This is why we need a licensing system to govern the use of irony.

3) Rocco just missed an ace on the third by about 3 inches. It's hard for me to decide whom to root for. I like Tiger alot and feel lucky to be able to watch a once in a lifetime player in his prime, so I generally root for him; also I have him in a little mini Majors-only fantasy league organized by Artie K. himself. But Rocco is such an everyman. He drives like 260. I can drive the ball 260 (100 yards straight then 160 yards at a right angle to the right, but whatever*)! He has gotten to this point in the Open by playing a nice, consistent, conservative game and just hitting fairways and greens in regulation. Plus, he's old, and super humble, and this would mean about a million times more to him than it would to Tiger, who wins Major championships on no sleep playing left-handed. It's a toss up. I guess I'll be happy no matter who wins. As long as it isn't Hillary.

*(Bonus Question: I actually hit that ball further than 260 yards, can you calculate the hypotenuse?)

4) I'm going to start yelling "Bite! Bite!" after every ball I hit, just to seem more Tiger-like. Especially if "bite" makes no sense contextually. Hilarious! See, me grasp basic irony too.

In The Heights Wins Best Musical!!!

did anyone really doubt it would? 

Owitz, I'm looking at you.

Someone Tell The Celtics and Lakers this is the Finals

and not the Euro Cup.  I don't know whether it's the influx of European players or the fact that Sam "Alien Head" Cassell is 38 and has become that old guy on the playground courts who can't score so he uses all the bs pump faking foul inducing crap possible, but the finals have become the Euro Cup.  Flopping, flopping and more flopping.  It's bad enough that I witnessed Radmonovich literally run with the ball from half court in game 3 to score but now i'm seeing even KG flop.  He just backed Gasol down and at the slightest resistance turned to the basket and threw the ball at the general vicinity of the hoop, arms flailing as he did.  It makes me sick in the same way finding out that your girlfriend didn't just get drinks with that guy that night, she kissed him.  With her tongue.  Sick like there is something more wrong than the actual action itself.  Like, poopy on the toilet seat sick.

Bill Walton Halftime Piece

Wow! Seriously, wow!

Rocco Mediate Wears Mom Jeans

I love the everyman.  I love to see a titan become human.  The david and goliath thing is great for ratings and hell, it's father's day, so what better way to celebrate than with a guy who would look as comfortable in a pair of jean shorts hiked up to his nipples and mandals with socks drinking a bud outside his ranch style home as he does in a pair of golf pants hiked up to his nipples with a massive peace sign buckle.

So what if Mediate couldn't hit a baseball out of the infield with a fungo bat. The guy just appreciates everything.  He didn't even root for Tiger to miss that last putt.  Can you believe it?

Wow.  That is absolute bullshit and I'm calling it.

The man is 45 and hasn't won a major, is ranked number 158 in the world and has missed 9 of 18 cuts this year so far.  His name is ROCCO for christsake.  He's 175th in driving distance (I think my Dad is like 164th and he doesn't even play golf) and up until a -2 scorcher that garnered him $201K at the Memorial Tourney two weeks ago had earned a whopping $109K.  I'm not trying to get down on the guy, I'm just saying that this is how the conversation would have happened in PWoT (Parallel World of Truth)*.  

"Rocco, what were thinking when Tiger hit that put?  Were you rooting against it?"

"Well Roger, I'll be honest.  I wanted for something horrible to happen to him.  I was praying-and incidentally, I'm an agnostic-that he would die.  I didn't just want him to miss the putt.  I didn't want him to get the chance to even size it up.  I was thinking massive coronary.  Or something crazy, you know, like a meteor.  Anything.  A plane crash directly on him.  I don't know if you've seen my stats this year.  I'm terrible.  This is a complete fluke.  If he doesn't die I will not win.  That's what i was thinking."

*if you are new to RDCMD than you will be undoubtedly inundated with annoying acronyms of which this is but one of.

An Addendum to Post The First by Art Karnishovas on behalf of the Roderclemond Staff

Greetings to you idolatrous millions undoubtedly already ignoring your children, wives and husbands, hands clasped in prayer waiting for the next post from the RDCMD staff. 

I wanted to post this to let you all know that in addition to what AK stated in his thorough and humble inaugural post that the following listed will either be constructed of or should be considered fact:

 statistics, theories, analysis, opining, bitching, whining, cheering, debauching, whimpering, empowering, chiding, ass-grabbing, homoeroticizing, speculating, pontificating.

All fact.

Thank you.

Landsmower

A couple thoughts after watching a ridiculous US Open

- I think Johnny Miller hates every single golfer other than Tiger Woods and his buddy Rocco Mediate
- Having a par 5 as the 18th hole in a major is pretty awesome
- After watching the play on this course- there is no way OWitz could even shot an 86 on 9 from the ladies tees on this course- I think Timberlake could shoot lower than OWitz on 18 holes verse 9. Another thing he has over him.
- I want Rick Reilly's job, supposedly he gets paid an absurd amount of money to come up with cheesy 4 min. fluff pieces, that he somehow arrogantly gets to define as "essays"
- Rocco reminds me of Corey Pavin from Shinnecock (sp?)- the crowd favorite who drives shorter than half of us- the only difference is 80 lbs., a cheesy 'stache, and a semi-mullet
- NBC execs just collectively shot their load- a primetime US Open on Father's Day with Tiger battling a sentimental favorite until the 72nd hole where Tiger hits a big put to tie. The only thing missing was Jim McKay announcing (too early I know)
- I think Rocco just missed his best chance to win- by running in and randomly changing numbers on Tigers scorecard and hoping he doesn't notice and signs an invalid scorecard
- Tiger Woods- human or crazy future golfing robot? (I would say jury is still out)

One Mans Plan to Fix the Knicks pt. 1

I always wanted to do one of these exercises; playing imaginery GM for the 2008 Knicks. I am starting with the current roster and guaranteed salary amounts over the next couple years with large players shown for each year.

Current roster 2008 payroll- $91M (Marbury- $21.9m, Randolph- $14.7m, Curry- $9.7m, Richardson- $8.8m, Crawford- $8.6m, Rose- $7.6m)

Current roster 2009 payroll- $58M (Randolph- $16m, Curry- $10.5m, Richardson- $9.4m, Crawford- $9.4m)

Current roster 2010 payroll- $28M (Randolph- $17.3m, Curry- $11.3m, Crawford- $10.8m)

As the Knicks are currently constructed they will finally have plenty of cap room in 2010 when key free agents Joe Johnson, Lebron James, Dirk Nowitzki, Tracy McGrady, Dwyane Wade, Michael Redd, Andrew Bogut, Chris Paul, Amare Stoudamire, Manu Ginobili, Chris Bosh, Carlos Boozer can be some type of free agent. Now of course many of the above players will re-sign or not exercise options to become free agents, but still that is a lot of talent. However, knowing the Knicks they cannot/will not wait another two years of mediocrity or worse for this. Especially once D'Antoni was brought on. So here is 2008 Knicks depth chart as I see considering D'Antoni's playing style/preferences (number in parenthesis in my rudimentary rating of 1-10 of how they fit in with D'Antoni's style):

starting line-up: Marbury (4), Crawford (7), Richardson (8), Randolph (6), Curry (4)
key reserves: Jeffries (7), Robinson (7), Lee (8), Balkman (7), Chandler (6)
dead weight: Rose (3), James (0), Collins (3)

A couple comments on the above- I think Randolph can fit in well in the high post, similar to Stoudamire but with less explosiveness. I think Jeffries can be a Boris Diaw type who would be an effective 4 in a smallball line-up. Chandler is an effective shooter and could be a poor mans Richardson with some experience.

You have the #6 pick in the upcoming draft and the following expiring contracts: Marbury $21.9m, Rose $7.6m. I would guess the following players have some trade value to right team/system: Crawford (contract, scoring), Randolph (low post scoring), Curry (low post scoring), Robinson (young talent), Lee (young talent), Balkman (young talent).

In part 2 I will come up with some scenarios of trades, free agents, draft suggestion to improve the team for next year.

First post

Instead of writing something memorable or significant for our first post, I am going to try to briefly describe the purpose of this blog. This blog is a series of comments from a bunch of high school friends generally centered on sports. Some comments will have actual analysis and support to back up positions; others will be alcohol-induced reactionary commentary. Some posts will be insightful and witty; others will be drab and informational (such as this one). I am going to apologize in advance for spelling and gramatical errors I have as they will be frequent and numerous. We don't expect much of a readership, but in some vain disillusion we have always thought of ourselves as pretty intelligent and reasonable and thus worthy of a more broad audience. Time will tell.