Off-topic but still disconcerting

Watching the all-star game when the ad for Swing Vote just came on. Wow. Do you think the following conversation took place during the pitch of this movie idea to studio execs:

Screenwriter 1- Come on guys, we need a fresh new idea.
Screenwriter 2- Shit, well people seem to be all into politics and shit, how about something with voting or something.
Screenwriter 3- Eureka, I've got it! The movie is about a national election where everyone votes for the President and it comes out as a tie... until they find out one guy forgot to vote. So both candidates have to convince this everyday Joe to vote for them and hilarity ensues.
Completely sane, rational person who accidentily wandered into room- Um, seriously? Well, besides completely defying the impossibly long mathematical odds of an entire nation voting to an exact tie, this idea basically shits on the current political system of the electoral college and insults anyone who has the slightest semblance of knowledge of such.
Screenwriter 4- So I was thinking Kevin Costner or Joe Mantegna for the everyday Joe.

Oh, and for the love of your father Joe Buck please learn how to pronounce the names of all-star major league players.

The Ghost of M. Sasser, Exorcised

9 in a row for the Mets team that were almost 6 games out only a month ago. Ok, so it's not really newsworthy, but I'm bored at work and wanted an excuse to post this great pic. Strangely enough, this pic is also in his wedding album.

"I can't believe Jason Varitek is not starting the All Star Game."

Ok..no Red Sox fan is thinking this. I'll give them that much. Even though Beantown is fantastically delusional and has a ridiculously over-the-top sense of entitlement....They must know that Jason Varitek sucks ballz. Right???

The fact that Jason Varitek is on the 2008 All Star squad (and not playing golf) is laughable...but so sad too. Let's look at the numbers....
.218/.300/.358/.658!!!!!!!! In 73 games he's scored 18 times, batted in 27 and has K'd 70 times in 243 at bats (29% of the time).

Jesus. WTF? This is an All Star???

Ok..in his defense, he's a nice guy, handles a young staff well and his smile lights up the clubhouse.

Secret is...this is how Yogi got into the HOF.

Theeeeeeeeeeee Yankees win!!! Thisssssssssssssss broadcast team sucks!!!

I spent the holiday weekend at the luxurious Owitz family compound on exotic Long Island, and as a result found myself cruising back to the city during the beginning of tonight’s Yankees-Red Sox game. Which means I was able to dial in 880 AM’s always exceptional Yankees broadcast team, the inestimable Suzyn Waldman and the esteemed John Sterling. Actually “inestimable” may not be the correct word, as it means “of immeasurable value or worth”; Waldman’s value is estimable, as in on a scale of 1 to 10 of broadcasting prowess, her score would be “Dog Poop.” She has all the characteristics one looks for in a sports radio broadcaster: horrendous, grating, nasal voice; complete lack of knowledge outside the realm of stats that are clearly fed to her by interns; utter dearth of perspective (see “Roger Clemens is in George Steinbrenner’s box!!”); fantastically ignorant-sounding Boston accent (above quote re-written phonetically: “Rawj-ah Clemens is in Jawg Steinbrenn-ahs bahwx!!”; and, my favorite, inability to get through more than 5 words without stumbling, saying “um”, leaving dead air, etc.

Once we outgrow our initial fantasies of becoming professional athletes, don’t many of us dream of being professional sports broadcasters? How does a person like Suzyn Waldman make it to the pinnacle, or near the pinnacle, of this trade? In a way I feel compelled to give her credit. She has obviously worked incredibly hard to get to where she is, perhaps literally squawking at the top of her shrill, vulture-like lungs at anyone who dared stand in her way. I might say it’s possible she slept her way to the top, but a glance at a photo of her quickly invalidates any such theory. If anything, I can imagine a scenario wherein she saunters into the producer’s office, slowly begins to unbutton her blouse, and eyes averted, the producer shouts “Okay! Okay! You get the job! Just please leave!”

I guess I don’t have much of a point besides: Suzyn Waldman sucks. Not the most profound or original thought ever put into words. It's just that it's not so often these days I’m in the car during a Yankee game, and Suzie’s nails-on-a-chalkboard voice and general stuttering prickness have taken the luster off what used to be a rare treat.

In the interest of fairness, Suzie’s partner John Sterling is a mega-douche, too. In fact, during this very broadcast he let loose with this gem: “This team needs to start putting some hits together. The great Yankees teams in the 90’s would put together some singles, doubles, some home runs, some walks, and when you do that, you score a lot of runs.” Really? I thought the way to score runs was to nearly exclusively make outs and hit the occasional triple. As a major league GM who relies entirely on the spouted platitudes of AM radio broadcasters for my personnel decisions, I suppose I will have to now rethink my strategy of spending millions of dollars on genetic research in the hopes of creating nine Juan Pierre clones. (Coincidental side note: Cano just hit a game-tying RBI triple. Maybe there’s something to this.)

I guess I should stop complaining and start working on my home run calls in the hopes that I can one day supplant Waldman or Sterling. I think Sterling’s “An A-bomb for A-Rod!!” is okay…. But I can probably do better, maybe something like “And that one is gone! Just like much of the population of Hiroshima after the A-bomb!!”

It’s still a work in progress.