I don't understand the Olympic gymnastics scoring system...

... but Bela Karolyi gets a Gold Medal in talking.

Sir, the possibility of successfully winning a Super Bowl with an aging Hall of Fame Quarterback is approximately 3,720 to 1

So John Clayton is making it clear, through article after insipid article on ESPN.com, that he hates the Brett Favre to the Jets trade. He thinks this move is virtually valueless for the Jets, and warns Jets fans that this will NOT bring them a Super Bowl. Or, more likely, he realizes that people are sick of the hype surrounding Brett Favre's "will-he or won't-he" drama and is capitalizing on the negative backlash to take the contrarian view on this trade. That is one Web 2.0 information culture-savvy gay robot, let me tell you.

In one of his terrible articles "Memo to Jets fans: Don't expect ultimate payoff with Favre" John-3PO uses this analogy:

"But the move to a new team for a quarterback in his late 30s is like a banker trying to open a new shop with devalued currency."

Really?

Wha?

That's the best thing you could think to wri.. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

This reminds me of the time I was reading that foppish dandy Lexington's column in the Economist and he remarked that "Denmark's reliance on the carry trade to boost the devalued Denmark-mark* is like an aging Designated Batter trying to hit one more touchdown out of the pit stop."

Only that never happened, and won't ever happen, because The Economist has standards, and, this is crucial, EDITORS, who would read such a line and say "Hey, Lexi - you don't know what you're talking about when it comes to sports, maybe you shouldn't make hackneyed, un-parseable sports analogies, and then Lexington would say "How many times do I have to tell you not to refer to me by my nom de plume you ignorant sod?" and a donnybrook ensued, and perhaps later, after all had boiled over, tea was enjoyed.

But not ESPN.com. No standards at all, and apparently no editors. Terrible writing like this makes me long for the halcyon days of John-3PO's nemesis Sean Salisbury's columns which, while perhaps even more idiotic than ol' twinkle-bot's, were at least of haiku length, e.g.:

TOP TWO TEAMS

1. New England Patriots

Like them.

2. Chicago Bears

Good but Patriots better.

Sure, Salisbury is borderline euthanizable, but at least he turns a pithy phrase.




*(possibly not actual name of Denmark's currency)