Let's be completely honest; most of life is terrible. Unless you are Rick Reilly, Tyler Perry or Jessie Eisenberg (quirky Jewish character actors are Hollywood gold. See: Ben Stiller), you wake up in the morning, slam your fist down on your alarm clock and do one of two things: wish for a swift, painless, carbon monoxide filled death or hope that you can make it through the day without having to drink a fifth of scotch. This is all without adding being in a wheelchair into the equation. When we go to sporting events we get excited at the prospect of having great seats for the possibility of a chance encounter with a player, or perhaps a souvenir. When we see a highlight reel and a spectator falls while going after a foul ball or a football coach gets knocked over by the continuation of a play, we get to say laugh because we know they at least had a chance at avoiding it. Why? Because their legs work.
Cue this past Saturday's little "Oh dear God, oh no -he's not slowing down, oh shit -nooooo!!" gem. Florida Gator defensive back Will Hill made a play on a ball against a Kentucky wide receiver and ended up absolutely destroying a man in a wheelchair who was on the sideline.
Let's run down a list of reasons why God hates this guy, based on a holistic appraisal of this event:
1. The guy is in a wheelchair, and you can tell it's not because he broke a leg or any other fairly innocuous reason. See how the wheels are slightly tilted inward? That's a real deal wheelchair. He's not messing around. Probably starts for his local wheelchair basketball team and averages at least a double-double.
2. He was probably invited to the game as part of some Make-A-Wish foundation thing and it was made even better when he arrived at the game thinking he would be sitting in the mezzanine section only to find out -"Your dreams have come true. You are going to be on the actual sideline with the Gators."
3. Tebow left last year.
4. Check the picture. Notice the arrow. See how Will Hall's stinky, sweaty junk is basically wrapping this guy up in a testicle blanket? Seriously. That's at least a half of sweat fermenting in there.
5. He doesn't even help the guy up. That deserves select period placement for emphasis because Hall leaves the guy on his back, writhing like a an overturned beetle (or Rex Ryan) completely unable to get up on his own.
He. Doesn't. Even. Help. The. Guy. Up.
Seriously? I want to give a Chris Carter "C'mon man!!" to the man upstairs (because we know that if you are on the sidelines of a Gator home game, you are a devout Christian) for this.
I feel like giving this guy a big hug, telling him everything is going to be all right and buying him a drink, but I'm sure after this hit he's also lost the use of his arms.
1 comment:
Do you think his double-double is actually blocks and fouls (everyone knows wheelchair leagues are notoriously chippy and thus have the 12 foul limit per game)?
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